Outing or Protecting?

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August 22, 2010 (updated November 13, 2011)

Dear Mistress Didi*,

Why is some guy on [social site] contacting me by direct message, claiming that You threw him out of Your party, and  to stay away from Your events and You?

~ perturbed

Dear perturbed,

As anyone who is familiar with Me should know by now, I have NO tolerance for bad behavior.  This is why I recently ejected a troll from a party and posted You Won’t Like My Events If… 

And I have been VERY generous in how I’ve handled his sad, little creature.  I didn’t have to “out” him; he did it himself with ludicrous attempts to destroy My Domain while unwittingly serving Me better than if I’d commanded him to serve!

If you didn’t know, this creep contacted everyone in his “friends” list on a networking site to warn them that I “threw [him] out for singing and talking to a beautiful woman.”  he continues to stalk Me (See How To Stop A Stalker) by contacting EVERYONE who responds to Me on forum posts with his nonsense (if only he’d put half that effort into becoming a better person).  Since birds of a feather flock together, folks who would believe a story like his are too stupid to attend any of My events in the first place.  So, while I believe that creatures like him are the reason that birth control should be free and sterilization mandatory, I couldn’t pay for better service to My Purpose (not that I would have to)!

The only sad things from this situation are that the 5 people who complained about him at the party had to endure him in the first place and that the “beautiful woman” was a newbie and has told Me that she is now too “creeped out” to attend any fetish events for a while.  This is a perfect example of how a distasteful individual is free to offend Us and discourage others from exploring the Beauties of The Fetish Lifestyle because no one has alerted the Community to his repugnance – and how he even made it into My event at all.  I accept full responsibility for not following My instincts – which I WILL do from now on – to deny him admission when he arrived in full, creepy fashion.  If being disrespectful and “turditudinous” (My new vocabulary word: Definition: (turd-it-TOOD-in-us: Exhibiting personality characteristics of excrement normally expunged from the anus) are his fetish, there are plenty of other events for him and his kind to indulge in.

I will not allow admission to My Events to anyone who does not show the proper respect from the moment they encounter My Domain.  Period.  I love and respect My Guests and will do everything to ensure Our good times!

Lately, I feel I am unique in that money is not My god; nor do I produce events for the sole purpose of making money.  I design events for the enjoyment of communing with like minds and like energies.  When someone offends Me and Mine, I believe it is My duty to alert The Community to prevent others from being disrespected and, perhaps, harmed by the offender.  If more people were responsible to Our Community and to the people who trust Us, and if more people were brave enough to stand up for what’s right against wrong-doers, participating in Our Community would actually be more pleasant instead of a constant flow of dealing with situations where one hopes to avoid having to navigate around “gruesomes.”

I respect The Fetish Lifestyle and I believe in having integrity in The Scene.  Sadly, far too many do not agree with having honorable intentions and participate in lying, thieving, maligning, and attempts to outright sabotage not only Me and Mine, but many others who make contributions to the ability for Us to enjoy Our Lifestyles.  Eventually, the barbarians begin to fight amongst themselves in their quests to build monopolies as they run out of people to screw over.  You see this happen all the time.

One of the many reasons that “certain” people dislike Me (aside from the obvious jealousies and, that under no circumstances, do I permit them to have free reign of My Domain) is that I WILL TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT their HEINOUS OFFENSES – and anyone who has ever encountered them will easily recognize Truth.  I also ensure that I have proof to back up My statements.  My motto is Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it.

Over the years, I have received “flack” from people who think that I should keep incidents of bad behavior between Me and the offenders to Myself – probably, because telling others threatens their safety zones for exposure of their own bad behaviors.  Fortunately, I am clear that I will continue to maintain circumstances for the utmost safety in My Domain and protect My guests as a good Hostess should. 

Unfortunately, covert and disreputable habits are what is to be expected as the norm these days (and this is one reason why people are rioting on Wall Street).  To permit atrocities to go unpunished by remaining silent only contributes to more atrocious behavior in the future.  I maintain that, If you’re not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.  Experience has taught Me that exposure (and punishment) of offenders is the best way to maintain the integrity of one’s Domain and protect the people you care about.

So, take My commitment to excellence as an invitation to enjoy the safety of My Events and My Domain with intelligent people who have respect, class, and integrity.  And take this as a warning, if you are a troll in any way.  My responsibility is to enjoying The Best We Can Be and I will  be responsible to Our Community even if others are not.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Photography At Fetish Events

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December 23, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi

I am a fetish photographer and want to attend your next event to capture real life moments.  Are you one of these annoying promoters who don’t allow photography at your events?  ~ [name omitted]

Dear “flash,”

I would like a Rolls Royce complete with chauffeur.  It seems that neither of Us is going to receive what We’d like today, though I assure you that I would be much more polite in My request than you have been with yours.  Because you serve Me to answer your question for My purposes, I choose to respond to you:

The problems with photography at Fetish events in real-life are:

• people are concerned with their privacy;
• most photographers always think they are far more talented than they actually are;
• most photographers think they OWN not only the photographs but all rights to the people in them; and
• the lack of integrity and social skills of the vast majority of the population.

I do not permit any types of photography, etc. at My events EXCEPT for those provided by MY photographer.  It took a long time for Me to carefully develop a fantastic relationship of TRUST with My photographers and event guests.  I cherish these relationships and will do everything in My power to honor them.

• NO photos are taken of anyone without their permission.
• I maintain ALL copies of photos taken at each of My events and ONLY post photos to a private album which is available ONLY to guests of that event who (1) are in the photos and (2) who have given WRITTEN permission for the photos to be posted in the album.  In other words, NO photos are taken or posted in the private album without written consent.  Period.

The reason I maintain ALL photos is to ensure privacy control.  (On numerous occasions, I have had to fight the illegal use of My photos.  If any photos taken at any of My events are misused, I will be able to and most definitely will provide concrete evidence and support for legal action against the offender.)

This practice takes quite a bit of My time, as I make sure to handle all photos personally, and I gladly give this consideration to My guests.  I am unique in this practice and in My generosity.  Perhaps, this is because I’m an Event Designer and not just a promoter.

My suggestion to you is to develop a relationship with some other “fetish” event promoters and politely express your desire to capture photos of real-life moments.  Choose the promoter(s) carefully because if the promoter is a sleazebag, your reputation will be tainted for a LONG time WHEN he does something heinous – which is inevitable.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Keeping Cool With Karma

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July 2, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I have been practicing the techniques You gave us in the Domina101™ course and I must be doing something wrong.  I can’t seem to deal with this [naughty word omitted] and I just want to beat her face in every time I see her!  I remember You teaching not to let anyone bring me down to a level [where] I won’t like my behavior the next day.  But I need help!  Thank You!
~ Miss P

*****

Darling Miss P,

I wrote an entry in an earlier edition of My Newsletter about Keeping Cool With Karma which addresses exactly your issue!  I have reprinted it below.  Please note that I write My advice from My perspective, owning My responsibility for My choices and actions:

DOMINA 101 TIP:  Keeping Cool With Karma.  I believe that everyone can make a mistake and I am generous with giving people opportunities to be cool in My Domain.  Again, My Motto is Don’t start none, won’t be none, so the only times that I encounter problems with people is because they forgot themselves ~ I’ll explain.

There are far too many folks pretending to be representative of the “face they show to the world” – especially in The Fetish Scene.  They lie, cheat, make up stories about Me because they feel a serious lack of value within themselves (the “Void”).  Something about Me (or you) triggers their ability for true-self-reflection and they recognize that they are not the façade that they work too hard to convince people and themselves of.  So, instead of being inspired by Me (or you), they become “ired” (angered via jealousy and recognition that they are not what they want to believe they are) by My Truth and want to punish Us for the fact that they are “less-than.”  This is an incredibly stupid and lascivious practice that ultimately gets them in trouble, causes “unpleasantries,” and leaves them deeper in “personal debt” (The recognition of how much one is lacking as a person – usually due to the practice of making lower-energy choices which inevitably lead to a spiritual-emotional-self-love Void.).  I do My best to “Guide them to become inspired instead of ired,“ ~ meaning, choose to direct the less-evolved to avoid jealousy when they can take the high road to self-love via My inspiration.

I have always graciously given people “another chance” and, unfortunately, they seldom appreciate such a gift.  I have had people look Me in My face and lie to Me to sabotage My events and projects; steal from Me; cost Me money; twist My (or others’) words around to try to cause trouble (see My Blog post regarding Mollena); accuse Me of doing the low-life things that they would do ~ anything to try to bring Me down to their sad, little levels of awareness.  You’ve noticed that I have cut certain people out of My Domain (you suddenly don’t see them mentioned in My Newsletters; you don’t see them at events with Me anymore; I no longer promote their works; etc., and I don’t speak ill of them, which would be beneath Me).  There is a VERY good reason I have removed them.  (See Outting or Protecting and Handling My Stalkers – How To Deal With A Stalker.)

I know that Karma is a magnificent thing and I always wish accelerated karma for everyone ~ Myself included.  This is why I don’t “do retaliation.“  When reality catches up to offenders, that Void becomes so large that all they can see is how much they miss the Beauty of My Energies.  Those who evolve will come back ~ how they come back determines whether or not I will allow them access to My Domain ever again.  If they really believe the stupidity that led them to attempt to take advantage of My generosity, they will remain on the fringes with that Void growing ever deeper.  If they recognize that they had a “brain fart moment,” I may give them the opportunity to prove their worthiness of knowing My kindness again.  MOST important is that they offer a proper apology, which most creeps would rather die than do!

They always come back – always.  After all, I have what they want and I do just fine without them.  And I sleep peacefully at night with a clear conscience.

Forgive the offenders.   I understand that it is a lack of self-love that causes people to offend Me.  I do pity them, but just enough to make sure that I don’t do anything to actually cause damage to them.  I forgive those who have attempted to steal from Me, take advantage of My kindness, and I even forgive those who have rewritten history to somehow make Me wrong when their horrid behavior caused Me to take action to save their lives from people threatening to “eliminate” them ~ and I mean this literally.  I do not have to do anything to offenders, nor would I ever cause damage to MY KARMA, when the offenders’ behaviors will balance things out just fine – I’ve seen the truth of Karma in action on many, many occasions. 

The issue is whether the offenders can forgive themselves…  One can have a lot of fun with that… and I usually do!

“To err is human; to forgive, divine” (Alexander Pope) and I truly am a Goddess incarnate…  And it takes work!

Here are some resources for Forgiveness and for keeping your Karma straight!  You will also find great benefit from My Concepts for Forgiveness.

The Forgiveness Project works at a local, national, and international level to help build a future free of conflict and violence by healing the wounds of the past.  By collecting and sharing people’s stories, and delivering outreach programs, The Forgiveness Project encourages and empowers people to explore the nature of forgiveness and alternatives to revenge.

6 Timeless Thoughts on Forgiveness from The Positivity Blog.  I recommend subscribing to this blog ~ very good stuff!

Handling Forgiving and Forgetting from LiveStrong.com

The Gift of Forgiveness with a wonderful video

Learning To Forgive - a good how-to guide

In conclusion, I have seriously contemplated the concept of loving a person in order to forgive them.  Sometimes, you just have to say, “I love you enough to forgive you and so that I don’t hurt you, I completely release you.”  That works, too.  There is no rule that says you have to keep an offender in your Domain.  There is no rule that says you have to like a person  in order to forgive them, either.  Forgiveness is for you and your self-love first and foremost.  By being the example, you lead.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Forgiveness

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December 1, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Last night, I overheard You discussing forgiveness.  I only caught a bit of what You said, but it really helped me with a difficult situation that I am struggling with.  Can You please offer me some more advice?  Thank You, Ma’am.

~ Grateful

Dear Grateful,

Do understand that I write this from the perspective of a Sadist.  Where I choose the term, “punish” and similar words, I suggest you choose an action that resonates with your Truth.  I’m a Libra (The Scales), so perhaps that  also explains what I’m about to say.

I have a 3-strikes-you’re-out-rule for Myself because the first time, shame on you; the second time, I was gracious and you set yourself up for the Divine Torture I’m going to extremely enjoy when/if you offend Me the third time!

My commitment is to the Win-Win.  I do My very best to keep My Karma in balance.  So, I do everything from the place of understanding that everyone and everything in Our Universe is here to teach Our souls lessons.  When people disappoint Us – and they always will – it is part of Our mutual lessons.  It is not so much the situation as it is what We do with the situation that allows Us to grow towards Joy – if We choose to.

Now, here’s the tricky part: We are conditioned by religion, social mores (plural, noun, Sociology: folkways of central importance accepted without question and embodying the fundamental moral views of a group) & pressures, family “stuff,” etc., to believe that:

• evolving means to deny anger and all of the feelings that are natural to being disappointed, disturbed ~ “dissed” – which is ludicrous and against Nature.

• We should somehow be all-knowing so that when people disappoint Us, “I should have” known better, seen it coming, [insert self-defeating statement here].

• it is either all Our fault OR the other person’s fault and We misunderstand personal responsibility.  It’s not until We’re adults that the concept of the dynamic of the interaction between ALL parties gives Us the opportunity to take a good look at Our egos (which shows Us how We are in/out of balance with Self-Love) presented to Us – if We’re lucky.

Having said that, I CHOOSE to permit everyone the opportunity to show Me who they are and HOW they are – which can often be quite different in behavior due to how folks handle stress and FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.  And because I embrace the fact that I Am A Sadist, and My Motto is Don’t start none, won’t be none, when they choose to operate outside of the Realm of Love and Respect, I enjoy creating balance for Myself.

I had the great fortune of meeting the Dalai Lama who told Me (I’m paraphrasing) that Karma is whether You can sleep at night.  I forgive offenders because, as Jesus said, “they know not what they do.”  And if they do know, they chose to receive the consequences for their actions – consciously or subconsciously – it’s all in Divine Order for evolution.  I torture them because I do know what I’m doing to take care of My needs and I own My responsibility for doing so.  I always choose to torture with the opportunity for evolution, because I’m also taking care of My Karma.

Some people think this is enacting vengeance.  I believe that the same way the offender gave Me the opportunity to grow through pain, I am the Agent of Karma in return by giving them the opportunity to evolve however they choose to interpret the consequences of their actions.

Forgiveness first begins with Yourself because We have to undo all of that “conditioning” that is designed to make Us wrong.  Once I do that, I find that I can choose to torture from a place of giving love, rather than from a place of retaliation.  I prefer to reward rather than to punish.  Sometimes, a gift can have an amazing sting, but one always grows through pain.  Whether they choose to grow towards Joy is their choice.

Hedonist that I Am (I created My own religion,  Spiritual Hedonism™), I choose Joy!

Resources For Forgiveness

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Fabulous & Guilty By Association

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December 22, 2011

Dear Mistress Didi*,

A while back, You addressed an issue with a “dominant” whom You helped get into The Scene and who abused Your kindness.  I recently had a very similar experience where the person I helped has been riding on my reputation, has sabotaged my project, cheated me out of money, and is now telling lies about everything that has ever happened!  I remember reading Your post and being able to “trust in Karma”, as You suggested.  Would You please repost it so that I can share it with others who are being affected by this guy? 

Much gratitude, Miss V

Dear Miss V.,

It is My pleasure to repost as the same idiot who prompted the original posting has over-stepped the boundaries and is now in the process of receiving the Karma he created!  Best of luck to you!

~~~~~~

November 21, 2008

There seems to be some kind of epidemic of incredible stupidity going on these days.  Too many times during the past few months – and more so during the past few weeks, I have received COMPLAINTS about people who have been seen with Me.

Let’s get something straight right away.  Just because a person is seen with Me does not mean that the person has anything to do with Me whatsoever.  Do not base your assumptions about these people based on what you think you know about Me.

I am The PartyDomme and I invite people to join Me at My events and at events given by others all the time.  That’s a wonderful way to meet new people and get a chance to know them.  Unlike far too many people, I know that I have nothing to lose by sharing MyPartySelf with others.

However, there have been a few times where My generosity has given stupid people opportunities to be the failures they hold onto being, which has put small dampers on things I’ve carefully planned.  I have even taken My generosity to a fault and given My repeated forgiveness and opportunities for them to “make good” and, sadly, they have made commitments to remain screw-ups.  For some idiotic reason, the people in their lives allow them to get away with this awful behavior and they have made the terrible mistake of thinking they can receive the same disservice to humanity from Me.

Most folks would stop any and all association with people who continually screw-up their situations.  But as My Amazing Grandmother taught Me, I believe you should “consider the source”.  If you know someone is incapable of doing things they want to believe they can do, then don’t require them to do such things.  If there are other qualities about the person that you enjoy, you have the option of keeping them around for those enjoyments.  No one is capable of being everything to you.  Hedonist that I am, I enjoy what is available to be enjoyed.

The problem with this way of thinking, I have found and am receiving too many emails about, is that some people are so far gone in their delusions of who they believe they are that they choose to pretend to be completely unaware of/refuse to acknowledge that their bad behavior is causing them problems.  (Note: I have made them aware of the complaints and they have continued their offenses.)

Their problems will not be Mine.  There is honor in The True Scene and Good People look out for each Other, hence all of the emails I’ve received.  These discourteous people are basking in the glorious glow of My vibe, My works, My friends, My social circling, and have presented themselves as the people they want to believe they are by using MY REPUTATION to open doors in attempts to create opportunities with others that I have established relationships with! Some people have gone as far as to attend and copy the workshop presentations that I have given and market themselves using My techniques and definitions – verbatim!  That’s plagiarism, folks!  Some cultures believe that imitation is the highest form of flattery.  I consider it thievery.

Clarifying further: To use My name to boost your opinion of yourself in your presentation to people you want something from is attempting to “steal” from My reputation that I built on My own merits.  The fact that these offenders have nothing of merit of their own to present to others and that they need to use Me for validation is creepy.  To present My techniques, step-by-step the way that I have demonstrated them, and to even copy the descriptions from My webpages is attempting to “steal” My proprietary information.  At least add something of your own ~ do anything other than just replace My name in My descriptions! These actions can be considered a form of identity theft.

I always give people the benefit of the doubt and a chance to do better the next time until they prove to Me that they are unworthy.  I am always supportive of people who choose to behave from the Highest Within and I leave those who don’t in their zones of depraved banality.

For some reason, these offenders think that I am just going to let them get away with their transgressions against Me.  Again, I addressed their actions and they chose to insist that they meant no offense, yet they have continued to repeat the same bad behaviors — as if their lame apologies will have any meaning to Me again — if they even bothered to apologize (then, there is that bad behavior, too, which gets you tossed to the curb).

I don’t accept the fallacy that they are “unaware of their behaviors” — especially when I have carefully detailed the problems to them in writing to make sure they have a reference for their future adventures.  I pay attention to the fact that they are selfish, inconsiderate, poorly attempting to manipulate, and disrespectful all around.  I shake My head and pity them; this is a serious sign of inferiority and a lack of self-love.

By now, We’d think that people know not to mistake kindness for weakness – especially My kindness.  Fortunately for them, I don’t waste My time with trifling losers.  One of the best things about karma is understanding that not only does what you do come back to you, but what they do comes back to them, too.  People with these types of usurping/invasive psyches will dig their own graves while I sit back with a glass of champagne and watch them fall into their pits.

It is just a matter of time.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top

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December 31, 2010

Dear Mistress Didi*,

I recently followed a conversation You had on Twitter with a loser who tried to bait You into an argument. I enjoyed that You did not take the bait and turned the whole situation around on him! You even told him that he failed the last time he tried to argue with You!  This was not the first time that I have seen You handle negative people.  There always seems to be someone who tries to offend You and You don’t let them and put them in their place.  How do You do it?

~ Wowed & Wondering

Dear Wowed & Wondering,

I always find it tedious that the same cycle of “mediocrity of personality” spawns from generation to generation and the perpetrators NEVER evolve.  I cannot understand why or how people choose to remain “limited” as individuals, offering no compliment to society at large, and have no impetus to evolve into something – someone better.

No matter how many times, how many ways these “sad ones” try to put others down in a vain attempt to pretend that they are somehow raising themselves up, they will not EVER have any real achievement.  It is only in their small minds that such distasteful efforts could possibly make them “superior” to the person they attempted to “top” in a disrespectful way.  This ridiculous notion has no basis in any kind of reality and the sad ones are always left empty and wanting in their lives.

The truth is that such behavior is instigated by their sense of inferiority, spurred by jealousy of a person who is comfortable in Her or His own being, like I am.  Instead of being inspired, the sad ones face their truthful fears that they are not “good enough” and become agitated by what they see lacking in themselves effortlessly emanating from Me.

The first thing such an autophobic (autophobia: an extreme dislike of oneself, or being angry at oneself) person does is deny their true feelings and choose to find fault with you in order to avoid any responsibility for recognizing that they can only ever walk in the shadows of where you shine.  So, they attempt to “rain on your parade,” to dim your Light.  This pathetic cycle leads to continued unhappiness via self-delusion and the ultimate in being unfulfilled.

Boringly, I get a lot of these sad ones trying with desperation to use Me for their follies.  Instead of being grateful for all of the many gifts I give to The Community, they seek to find fault with Me and My works – of course, having nothing of value of their own to offer anywhere.  I always make these sad ones useful by (1) setting them up to be examples for My Workshops and (2) toying with them for sport – after all, I always say, if you put your ass out there, you want to be spanked!  My Motto: Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it.

What the sad ones do not understand is their attempts to goad Me into their games can only work on someone who is not comfortable with Herself; who does not love, honor, and respect Herself; and who questions her REALITY.  This most certainly is not Me.  I also have no emotional attachment to what they say or try to do while attempting to have their fantasies be My Reality.  I pity them, but recognize how they can be of service to The Whole and take advantage of the only gifts they have to give ~ allowing them to be of service, which is the Highest Good.

My actions give them the opportunity to learn and grow.  Whether they take that opportunity or not is all about their choices.  If I am feeling particularly generous, I will refer them to self-esteem building techniques.

I am ever the Giving Goddess, even when creatures attempt to offend Me.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Domme in Business

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

October 29, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Should a woman who is in the Dominatrix business be domineering in her dealings with other business people or learn flexibility and understand that business associates are equal?  ~ young entrepreneur

 ****

Dear young entrepreneur,

First, not everyone is equal – that goes for all aspects of life, including business.  A lot of folks want to be “politically correct” about this, but hey, deal with it.  Learn to appreciate the talents that others offer.  It is useless to expect a kindergartener to comprehend calculus, much less perform an equation expertly.  So, I suggest that you practice seeing what’s best in a person and/or situation and respect it in order to enjoy a relationship that will yield mutually beneficial results.

Second, Self-Control is the only real control there is.  Every business person needs to know how to discipline Herself to achieve the greatest good, a.k.a., what’s best for business without compromising one’s integrity – which, unfortunately, is a rare practice these days.  Bullying is not Dominance.  Knowing how to present your desires and create boundaries for the barbarians who do not practice common courtesy are necessary skills to hone.

Third, anyone, Dominant or otherwise, who chooses to be at the effect of Her environment rather than affecting Her environment, practices personal irresponsibility (it is always someone else’s fault that things are not as desired.  Our societies force-feed personal irresponsibility upon Us via social, religious, and economic conditioning.  However, We always have the choice to evolve past mediocrity.)  There is a difference between being stern and being rude, and becoming adept in the Art of Communication is the most important skill a Dominant can have.

Those who have the fortitude to go against “the norm” learn that the only true power is power with, not power over others and are the most successful.  Just look at Oprah Winfrey, Richard Branson, Bill Gates, and other moguls who engage the best in people to achieve the ultimate success.

Finally, be who you are, not a twisted interpretation of what a Dominant is as determined by other people’s fantasies projected onto your reality.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Domme for Dollars

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

October 29, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am a new slave and new to the scene.  What should I expect from a Mistress?  Some bring up money.  Is that what it’s about?  ~ new and confused

 *****

Dear new and confused,

I understand that you’re new.  It is a personal peeve of Mine for “newbies” (or anyone) to determine themselves “slaves” or “Dommes” without the first clue as to what that IS or involves.  If you were truly a “slave” in service to a REAL Mistress, you would be properly trained and not asking this question.  Period.

In My public service article, Domme v. dumme, I specify the differences between REAL Dominants and “hoochies with whips,” who are usually silly-young-girls being manipulated by some guy who calls his pseudo-brothel a “dungeon.”  There is as much a difference between a tribute and a fee as there is a difference between a true professional and an actor who plays one on TV.

A REAL Mistress has invested the time, education, and dedication to Fetish As Art with the intention and understanding that BDSM IS an integral part of Her Life, not solely a source of income.  To serve a REAL Mistress requires dedication and a measure of worth on your part.  Tribute is an offering of appreciation to the Domina for Her time, consideration, and attention regarding you.  A REAL tribute may or may not be monetary and if you are in service to a REAL Dominant, you will not be required to pay a “requisite amount” each and every time you visit.  Be sure to read submissive v. substandard to understand the dynamic involved with being in service to a Dominant.

More information on the Lifestyle and safety practices can be found HERE.  I encourage you to do the research to give yourself the opportunity to experience the best that Fetish has to offer.  Because the adage, “you get what you pay for” does not purely have monetary application; skill and authenticity are paramount for happiness in all areas of life.  And that’s what it’s all about.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Gruesomes

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

June 13, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I broke off a 3 month attempt at a relationship with a man who is a favorite of the females in [The Scene] to bat their eyelashes at.  If they knew what I know now, they would look the other way!  What annoys me is that we barely stopped seeing each other when a few of these heifers actually contacted me to ask if “everything was OK!”  These people barely speak to me at any other time!  I want to slap each one of them in their faces many times!  I don’t know how to get over being so insulted and angry at how they dare to be so nosy!!!!! Any advice?   Thanks, Miss T.

~~~~~~~~

Well,  Miss T.,

You’re in luck!  I recently ended a relationship with someone in The Scene (sort of), too and the gossips tried to circle around Me like vultures!  Here is part of a post to My blog on this very issue and you will also find value in How To Deal With Relationship Gossip:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tell people what I want them to know.  Period.  The only reason I’m bothering to comment on the scavenging is to eliminate the opportunity for the usual-jealous-ugly-creatures to besmirch the person who is no longer a part of My life – though, the bumpkins will gossip lies anyway because that is all they have.  This behavior is typical of people with a low sense of self-worth with good reason.

My Mother is a lady, as are/were ALL of the Women in My Family on all sides for as many generations as I can count.  I grew up with and continue to be surrounded by a lot of love.  Perhaps, this (also known as “good breeding” and “good home training”) is why I have no sense of jealousy for any other person and the ability to genuinely be happy for and wish other people well.  I do not revel in the pains of others, not even those I intensely dislike due to their offenses against Me.  Such behavior subtracts from your own worth and attracts negativity to you.  I am enough in Myself that I do not need to waste energy “dissing” others when I could put that energy into doing more things to honor and love Myself.

I am disgusted by people who do not love or value themselves.  I call these creatures “gruesomes” because they are not only ugly on the inside, they are inevitably ugly on the outside.  Instead of seeking to improve the conditions of their lives, they seek to belittle everyone and everything in order to feel comfortable in their gruesomeness.  They create communities of others like them to wallow in the muck and mire of the pathetic excuses for lives they choose to create while seeking out those of Us who truly are fabulous to lie, cheat, and attempt to sling into the feculence of their miserable realities.

A True Lady does not discuss the details of Her love affairs or such matters that are usually put into that category.  If She has cause to mention the departed lover, She refrains from any displays of negativity – especially in public and particularly around gruesomes.

I will NEVER speak ill of anyone I have had any sort of relationship (or attempts at relationships) with because I have too much self-respect to have the need to besmirch another person.  This is evident in the way I have never spoken ill of the silly dummes who have attempted to gain attention for themselves by telling lies on Me – and they’re still telling those same, old, tired, lies that have been exposed!  People with a sense of low-self-worth do not ever realize that a person’s truths are evident based on their merits, which is why like attracts like and the fabulous associate with the fabulous and the gruesomes hang with the gruesomes.  Take a good look around you.

I am evolved enough as a human being to understand that every person is unique to your experience and that when people don’t click, you should move on.  I accept responsibility for My actions, which include choosing to stay in/leave situations with the goal of My happiness.  Because I not only value Myself, I honor My integrity and I choose to remember the positive qualities that I found attractive in people who are now in My Past.  I encourage everyone to do the same to reject negative feelings that do not serve you.  If you love yourself, you do not need to have contempt for anyone you attempted to love.

When all the gossip buzzes around you like flies to manure, take a good look at the perpetrators, and see just how gruesome they are.  There’s value to the adage: Consider the source.  Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

The True Discipline

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

September 12, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Every time i see my former Mistress with Her new sub, I am upset.  i don’t know why, since Mistress and i parted ways very well, i truly want Her to be happy, and i am now collared.  i am afraid to share my feelings with my present Domme because She may need to discipline Me and She is a hard disciplinarian.  What should i do?  Thank You, slave t

******

Self-discipline is the only true discipline. You affect all there is at all times.

What happens on all levels is directly related to your perception and your choices.  Accept responsibility for them.

Think about how this concept looks in your life right now.  This is the key to creating your ideal reality.

Everything begins and ends with your Self.

Having said that, no matter what your Domme may do, the reality of this situation is that you are the one who has to change your behavior.  I believe in different strokes for different folks – literally.  Personally,  I would want My sub to come to Me with all emotional issues so that We can address them together to suit both of Our needs.  So, if you are afraid of your Domme, remember that it is your responsibility for accepting Her collar and you made the choice for this type of a D/s relationship.

So, consider carefully what the lesser of the evils will be!  Take action quickly so that your unresolved issues with your former Mistress do not compromise your happiness with your Domme.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.