Fabulous & Guilty By Association

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

December 22, 2011

Dear Mistress Didi*,

A while back, You addressed an issue with a “dominant” whom You helped get into The Scene and who abused Your kindness.  I recently had a very similar experience where the person I helped has been riding on my reputation, has sabotaged my project, cheated me out of money, and is now telling lies about everything that has ever happened!  I remember reading Your post and being able to “trust in Karma”, as You suggested.  Would You please repost it so that I can share it with others who are being affected by this guy? 

Much gratitude, Miss V

Dear Miss V.,

It is My pleasure to repost as the same idiot who prompted the original posting has over-stepped the boundaries and is now in the process of receiving the Karma he created!  Best of luck to you!

~~~~~~

November 21, 2008

There seems to be some kind of epidemic of incredible stupidity going on these days.  Too many times during the past few months – and more so during the past few weeks, I have received COMPLAINTS about people who have been seen with Me.

Let’s get something straight right away.  Just because a person is seen with Me does not mean that the person has anything to do with Me whatsoever.  Do not base your assumptions about these people based on what you think you know about Me.

I am The PartyDomme and I invite people to join Me at My events and at events given by others all the time.  That’s a wonderful way to meet new people and get a chance to know them.  Unlike far too many people, I know that I have nothing to lose by sharing MyPartySelf with others.

However, there have been a few times where My generosity has given stupid people opportunities to be the failures they hold onto being, which has put small dampers on things I’ve carefully planned.  I have even taken My generosity to a fault and given My repeated forgiveness and opportunities for them to “make good” and, sadly, they have made commitments to remain screw-ups.  For some idiotic reason, the people in their lives allow them to get away with this awful behavior and they have made the terrible mistake of thinking they can receive the same disservice to humanity from Me.

Most folks would stop any and all association with people who continually screw-up their situations.  But as My Amazing Grandmother taught Me, I believe you should “consider the source”.  If you know someone is incapable of doing things they want to believe they can do, then don’t require them to do such things.  If there are other qualities about the person that you enjoy, you have the option of keeping them around for those enjoyments.  No one is capable of being everything to you.  Hedonist that I am, I enjoy what is available to be enjoyed.

The problem with this way of thinking, I have found and am receiving too many emails about, is that some people are so far gone in their delusions of who they believe they are that they choose to pretend to be completely unaware of/refuse to acknowledge that their bad behavior is causing them problems.  (Note: I have made them aware of the complaints and they have continued their offenses.)

Their problems will not be Mine.  There is honor in The True Scene and Good People look out for each Other, hence all of the emails I’ve received.  These discourteous people are basking in the glorious glow of My vibe, My works, My friends, My social circling, and have presented themselves as the people they want to believe they are by using MY REPUTATION to open doors in attempts to create opportunities with others that I have established relationships with! Some people have gone as far as to attend and copy the workshop presentations that I have given and market themselves using My techniques and definitions – verbatim!  That’s plagiarism, folks!  Some cultures believe that imitation is the highest form of flattery.  I consider it thievery.

Clarifying further: To use My name to boost your opinion of yourself in your presentation to people you want something from is attempting to “steal” from My reputation that I built on My own merits.  The fact that these offenders have nothing of merit of their own to present to others and that they need to use Me for validation is creepy.  To present My techniques, step-by-step the way that I have demonstrated them, and to even copy the descriptions from My webpages is attempting to “steal” My proprietary information.  At least add something of your own ~ do anything other than just replace My name in My descriptions! These actions can be considered a form of identity theft.

I always give people the benefit of the doubt and a chance to do better the next time until they prove to Me that they are unworthy.  I am always supportive of people who choose to behave from the Highest Within and I leave those who don’t in their zones of depraved banality.

For some reason, these offenders think that I am just going to let them get away with their transgressions against Me.  Again, I addressed their actions and they chose to insist that they meant no offense, yet they have continued to repeat the same bad behaviors — as if their lame apologies will have any meaning to Me again — if they even bothered to apologize (then, there is that bad behavior, too, which gets you tossed to the curb).

I don’t accept the fallacy that they are “unaware of their behaviors” — especially when I have carefully detailed the problems to them in writing to make sure they have a reference for their future adventures.  I pay attention to the fact that they are selfish, inconsiderate, poorly attempting to manipulate, and disrespectful all around.  I shake My head and pity them; this is a serious sign of inferiority and a lack of self-love.

By now, We’d think that people know not to mistake kindness for weakness – especially My kindness.  Fortunately for them, I don’t waste My time with trifling losers.  One of the best things about karma is understanding that not only does what you do come back to you, but what they do comes back to them, too.  People with these types of usurping/invasive psyches will dig their own graves while I sit back with a glass of champagne and watch them fall into their pits.

It is just a matter of time.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

December 31, 2010

Dear Mistress Didi*,

I recently followed a conversation You had on Twitter with a loser who tried to bait You into an argument. I enjoyed that You did not take the bait and turned the whole situation around on him! You even told him that he failed the last time he tried to argue with You!  This was not the first time that I have seen You handle negative people.  There always seems to be someone who tries to offend You and You don’t let them and put them in their place.  How do You do it?

~ Wowed & Wondering

Dear Wowed & Wondering,

I always find it tedious that the same cycle of “mediocrity of personality” spawns from generation to generation and the perpetrators NEVER evolve.  I cannot understand why or how people choose to remain “limited” as individuals, offering no compliment to society at large, and have no impetus to evolve into something – someone better.

No matter how many times, how many ways these “sad ones” try to put others down in a vain attempt to pretend that they are somehow raising themselves up, they will not EVER have any real achievement.  It is only in their small minds that such distasteful efforts could possibly make them “superior” to the person they attempted to “top” in a disrespectful way.  This ridiculous notion has no basis in any kind of reality and the sad ones are always left empty and wanting in their lives.

The truth is that such behavior is instigated by their sense of inferiority, spurred by jealousy of a person who is comfortable in Her or His own being, like I am.  Instead of being inspired, the sad ones face their truthful fears that they are not “good enough” and become agitated by what they see lacking in themselves effortlessly emanating from Me.

The first thing such an autophobic (autophobia: an extreme dislike of oneself, or being angry at oneself) person does is deny their true feelings and choose to find fault with you in order to avoid any responsibility for recognizing that they can only ever walk in the shadows of where you shine.  So, they attempt to “rain on your parade,” to dim your Light.  This pathetic cycle leads to continued unhappiness via self-delusion and the ultimate in being unfulfilled.

Boringly, I get a lot of these sad ones trying with desperation to use Me for their follies.  Instead of being grateful for all of the many gifts I give to The Community, they seek to find fault with Me and My works – of course, having nothing of value of their own to offer anywhere.  I always make these sad ones useful by (1) setting them up to be examples for My Workshops and (2) toying with them for sport – after all, I always say, if you put your ass out there, you want to be spanked!  My Motto: Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it.

What the sad ones do not understand is their attempts to goad Me into their games can only work on someone who is not comfortable with Herself; who does not love, honor, and respect Herself; and who questions her REALITY.  This most certainly is not Me.  I also have no emotional attachment to what they say or try to do while attempting to have their fantasies be My Reality.  I pity them, but recognize how they can be of service to The Whole and take advantage of the only gifts they have to give ~ allowing them to be of service, which is the Highest Good.

My actions give them the opportunity to learn and grow.  Whether they take that opportunity or not is all about their choices.  If I am feeling particularly generous, I will refer them to self-esteem building techniques.

I am ever the Giving Goddess, even when creatures attempt to offend Me.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Domme in Business

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

October 29, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Should a woman who is in the Dominatrix business be domineering in her dealings with other business people or learn flexibility and understand that business associates are equal?  ~ young entrepreneur

 ****

Dear young entrepreneur,

First, not everyone is equal – that goes for all aspects of life, including business.  A lot of folks want to be “politically correct” about this, but hey, deal with it.  Learn to appreciate the talents that others offer.  It is useless to expect a kindergartener to comprehend calculus, much less perform an equation expertly.  So, I suggest that you practice seeing what’s best in a person and/or situation and respect it in order to enjoy a relationship that will yield mutually beneficial results.

Second, Self-Control is the only real control there is.  Every business person needs to know how to discipline Herself to achieve the greatest good, a.k.a., what’s best for business without compromising one’s integrity – which, unfortunately, is a rare practice these days.  Bullying is not Dominance.  Knowing how to present your desires and create boundaries for the barbarians who do not practice common courtesy are necessary skills to hone.

Third, anyone, Dominant or otherwise, who chooses to be at the effect of Her environment rather than affecting Her environment, practices personal irresponsibility (it is always someone else’s fault that things are not as desired.  Our societies force-feed personal irresponsibility upon Us via social, religious, and economic conditioning.  However, We always have the choice to evolve past mediocrity.)  There is a difference between being stern and being rude, and becoming adept in the Art of Communication is the most important skill a Dominant can have.

Those who have the fortitude to go against “the norm” learn that the only true power is power with, not power over others and are the most successful.  Just look at Oprah Winfrey, Richard Branson, Bill Gates, and other moguls who engage the best in people to achieve the ultimate success.

Finally, be who you are, not a twisted interpretation of what a Dominant is as determined by other people’s fantasies projected onto your reality.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Domme for Dollars

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

October 29, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am a new slave and new to the scene.  What should I expect from a Mistress?  Some bring up money.  Is that what it’s about?  ~ new and confused

 *****

Dear new and confused,

I understand that you’re new.  It is a personal peeve of Mine for “newbies” (or anyone) to determine themselves “slaves” or “Dommes” without the first clue as to what that IS or involves.  If you were truly a “slave” in service to a REAL Mistress, you would be properly trained and not asking this question.  Period.

In My public service article, Domme v. dumme, I specify the differences between REAL Dominants and “hoochies with whips,” who are usually silly-young-girls being manipulated by some guy who calls his pseudo-brothel a “dungeon.”  There is as much a difference between a tribute and a fee as there is a difference between a true professional and an actor who plays one on TV.

A REAL Mistress has invested the time, education, and dedication to Fetish As Art with the intention and understanding that BDSM IS an integral part of Her Life, not solely a source of income.  To serve a REAL Mistress requires dedication and a measure of worth on your part.  Tribute is an offering of appreciation to the Domina for Her time, consideration, and attention regarding you.  A REAL tribute may or may not be monetary and if you are in service to a REAL Dominant, you will not be required to pay a “requisite amount” each and every time you visit.  Be sure to read submissive v. substandard to understand the dynamic involved with being in service to a Dominant.

More information on the Lifestyle and safety practices can be found HERE.  I encourage you to do the research to give yourself the opportunity to experience the best that Fetish has to offer.  Because the adage, “you get what you pay for” does not purely have monetary application; skill and authenticity are paramount for happiness in all areas of life.  And that’s what it’s all about.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Gruesomes

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

June 13, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I broke off a 3 month attempt at a relationship with a man who is a favorite of the females in [The Scene] to bat their eyelashes at.  If they knew what I know now, they would look the other way!  What annoys me is that we barely stopped seeing each other when a few of these heifers actually contacted me to ask if “everything was OK!”  These people barely speak to me at any other time!  I want to slap each one of them in their faces many times!  I don’t know how to get over being so insulted and angry at how they dare to be so nosy!!!!! Any advice?   Thanks, Miss T.

~~~~~~~~

Well,  Miss T.,

You’re in luck!  I recently ended a relationship with someone in The Scene (sort of), too and the gossips tried to circle around Me like vultures!  Here is part of a post to My blog on this very issue and you will also find value in How To Deal With Relationship Gossip:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tell people what I want them to know.  Period.  The only reason I’m bothering to comment on the scavenging is to eliminate the opportunity for the usual-jealous-ugly-creatures to besmirch the person who is no longer a part of My life – though, the bumpkins will gossip lies anyway because that is all they have.  This behavior is typical of people with a low sense of self-worth with good reason.

My Mother is a lady, as are/were ALL of the Women in My Family on all sides for as many generations as I can count.  I grew up with and continue to be surrounded by a lot of love.  Perhaps, this (also known as “good breeding” and “good home training”) is why I have no sense of jealousy for any other person and the ability to genuinely be happy for and wish other people well.  I do not revel in the pains of others, not even those I intensely dislike due to their offenses against Me.  Such behavior subtracts from your own worth and attracts negativity to you.  I am enough in Myself that I do not need to waste energy “dissing” others when I could put that energy into doing more things to honor and love Myself.

I am disgusted by people who do not love or value themselves.  I call these creatures “gruesomes” because they are not only ugly on the inside, they are inevitably ugly on the outside.  Instead of seeking to improve the conditions of their lives, they seek to belittle everyone and everything in order to feel comfortable in their gruesomeness.  They create communities of others like them to wallow in the muck and mire of the pathetic excuses for lives they choose to create while seeking out those of Us who truly are fabulous to lie, cheat, and attempt to sling into the feculence of their miserable realities.

A True Lady does not discuss the details of Her love affairs or such matters that are usually put into that category.  If She has cause to mention the departed lover, She refrains from any displays of negativity – especially in public and particularly around gruesomes.

I will NEVER speak ill of anyone I have had any sort of relationship (or attempts at relationships) with because I have too much self-respect to have the need to besmirch another person.  This is evident in the way I have never spoken ill of the silly dummes who have attempted to gain attention for themselves by telling lies on Me – and they’re still telling those same, old, tired, lies that have been exposed!  People with a sense of low-self-worth do not ever realize that a person’s truths are evident based on their merits, which is why like attracts like and the fabulous associate with the fabulous and the gruesomes hang with the gruesomes.  Take a good look around you.

I am evolved enough as a human being to understand that every person is unique to your experience and that when people don’t click, you should move on.  I accept responsibility for My actions, which include choosing to stay in/leave situations with the goal of My happiness.  Because I not only value Myself, I honor My integrity and I choose to remember the positive qualities that I found attractive in people who are now in My Past.  I encourage everyone to do the same to reject negative feelings that do not serve you.  If you love yourself, you do not need to have contempt for anyone you attempted to love.

When all the gossip buzzes around you like flies to manure, take a good look at the perpetrators, and see just how gruesome they are.  There’s value to the adage: Consider the source.  Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

The True Discipline

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

September 12, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Every time i see my former Mistress with Her new sub, I am upset.  i don’t know why, since Mistress and i parted ways very well, i truly want Her to be happy, and i am now collared.  i am afraid to share my feelings with my present Domme because She may need to discipline Me and She is a hard disciplinarian.  What should i do?  Thank You, slave t

******

Self-discipline is the only true discipline. You affect all there is at all times.

What happens on all levels is directly related to your perception and your choices.  Accept responsibility for them.

Think about how this concept looks in your life right now.  This is the key to creating your ideal reality.

Everything begins and ends with your Self.

Having said that, no matter what your Domme may do, the reality of this situation is that you are the one who has to change your behavior.  I believe in different strokes for different folks – literally.  Personally,  I would want My sub to come to Me with all emotional issues so that We can address them together to suit both of Our needs.  So, if you are afraid of your Domme, remember that it is your responsibility for accepting Her collar and you made the choice for this type of a D/s relationship.

So, consider carefully what the lesser of the evils will be!  Take action quickly so that your unresolved issues with your former Mistress do not compromise your happiness with your Domme.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Surprised That I’m A Giving Goddess?

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

July 23, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

It was really a pleasure to meet You last night.  After hearing rumors about You and [name omitted], I was very surprised that you are so kind and friendly.  You treated me as if I mattered and I now understand that [name omitted] is jealous for more than the obvious reasons…. Sincerely,  j

*****

I’m always astounded by the ridiculous misconception that to be a Dominant Sadist means to be ill-mannered, ill-tempered, selfish, greedy, and everything that the “hoochies-with-whips” abominate The Scene by being.

As I state on My Websites, I am a Giving Goddess.  I do not wish to ever raise My voice, I prefer to make requests rather than demands, and I prefer to reward rather than to punish.

So, whenever I offer a Gift to The Community, I am saddened by the comments of appreciation including statements such as, “It’s nice to know that there are still kind people out there.”

It’s also disparaging that those who are offenders of The Scene have the ludicrous audacity to be offended when their offenses are not tolerated in My Domain.  they band together with others of their kind to call Me “elitist” and a bitch.  their lack of vocabulary comprehension is only slightly less than their lack of integrity.

First of all, I’m a BITCH = Being In Total Control of Herself (My Domain) and the only reason they’re whining is because they’re used to the “silly bitch syndrome” that their mothers effected by permitting them to believe that they are special without offering value to The Whole.

Second, if desiring to be around people with class, integrity, self-respect, and consideration makes Me elitist, I’m proud to be an elitist *snob* on top of that.  I’m not a hypocrite; if I don’t respect a person, I don’t have anything to do with her/him.

I recognize My value by how I present Myself and My Gifts to The Whole.  I walk My talk.   I am secure enough in Myself to know that I do not lose anything when I share My beauty, talents, etc.  Karma is a magnificent thing; what you offer returns to you multiplied.

Intelligent people know that kindness does not equal weakness.  In fact, kindness gives you a powerful tool of revelation: people show you how they want to be treated.  Being a sadist, I will take the opportunity to torture them with enlightenment, which, in itself, is a win-win for Me because I offer a Karmic good.

I return to My Mission of creating a Domain of honor, intelligence, creativity, beauty, and the opportunities for personal evolution through The Fetish Lifestyle.  I realize that more than ever, My Mission is in place to serve the need of The Greater Good.

And I’m excited and energized by this!

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

June 30, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I recently broke up with someone in The Scene.  The problem is that where I live, the community is very small and everyone knows each other.  Last weekend, there was a party and when I arrived, people had been talking about us and tried to get me to say what was wrong with him.  What bothers me most is that the people who approached me were not even people who were ever friendly to me in the past.  I felt very uncomfortable and left the party very early because I didn’t want to discuss our personal business with nosy people.  Since this is where I normally socialize, how do I handle them trying to be in my business?  And how do I keep my ex from talking about me to them?  Thank You, Miss Private

Dear Miss Private,

It is difficult to take the high road with low-lives.  However, that is My advice.  The most important thing you have is your reputation.  You and your ex know the truth, so no matter what anyone else chooses to think or say, your best defense is a strong offense.

Defuse the situation as soon as it presents itself.  The moment someone begins prying into your personal business, and especially if they try to get you to speak ill of your ex:

1)    Put your hand up with a gentle “stop” motion.  This speaks to the unconscious mind and helps to reinforce what you say to them on a conscious level.  Keep your hand near your own body – do not extend it into or near their space because this action will be perceived as invasive (even thought they are invading your space).  Then withdraw your hand into your own body and bring it to rest, which reinforces that you are taking responsibility both to your own and to observers’ subconscious minds;

2)    Be very kind, gentle, and direct as you take personal responsibility by saying something like, “It would not be polite or fair to [your ex] or to me to break the trust of our privacy.”

a)  Taking personal responsibility does not overtly make the nosy people wrong and prevents egotistical defenses (unless you are dealing with a complete moron);

b)  Maintaining a non-confrontational attitude alleviates you from being perceived as defensive; and

c)  If they push the issue further, they will expose themselves to be nosy gossips, which they most likely do not want to do.

3)    Immediately turn the topic of conversation on to the questioner – complimenting them in some way works best.  People like nothing better than to talk about themselves.  Complimenting attire or asking about something you know they are proud of or feel good about quickly takes the attention off of you and your business.

There will always be circumstances where you may have to do more work to get rid of a space invader.  Some other tips I recommend are:

• “Excuse me, costume malfunction!” and walk away.
• Asking them why they want to know and then stating that you wouldn’t want them to be accused of gossiping so you will take responsibility to change the subject.
• If you’re anything like Me, just say, “It’s none of your business.”  I usually do it ever so sweetly, with a lovely smile on My face, and jokingly as if their intention was to be humorous instead of nosy.

The goal is to maintain your dignity while refusing to divulge your personal and private information.

Should you encounter a situation where an offender will actually claim that your ex is saying crappy things about you, take the high road again with compassion.  “I am sorry to hear that he is so devastated that he has to tell such stories!  How pitiful.”  And walk away.  Walk away from that kind of offender because they are intent on disrupting your peace and looking for some kind of confrontation.  I have actually had a situation where such an offender decided to follow Me around to badger information from Me, so I chose a very, highly-visible area where people observed Me say, “Now I know why people say you’re a nosy gossip.”  And I walked away again.  It was unfortunate, but necessary, that I had to embarrass this dreadful creature.

You cannot stop your ex or other people from saying things.  The best approach is to make it a point to be observed being amused by the situation with a no-care attitude.  And don’t be a drama-queen when you do it.  Gossips and low-lives can only thrive if they disrupt your peace.  If you present yourself as if you don’t care, you disrupt their feeding frenzy and they will soon latch onto someone else.  If you really let go and don’t care about negative behavior, you free yourself to receive better things.

You may also want to read My blog post on what I call “gruesomes” as you seem to be surrounded by them and they’re everywhere…

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work?

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

August 7,  2011

This is an excerpt from My response to a post by the fabulous Jennifer Shelton at FemCentral.  I’ve modified it to speak directly to you.

*****
Semantics.  What one person calls “positive thinking” is called “mindfulness” by another person writing a book to sell.  “Positive thinking” can also be included in chanting, meditation, and so many other modalities designed to gain control over FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.

In My experience, Positive Thinking is actually CHOOSING empowering thoughts and actions over disempowering ones.  The same amount of time and energy spent on worrying about something that -could- happen can be spent on focusing on what you -want- to create and “Love Me Time” which allows you to get out of the way of achieving your goals.  The stress that people choose to “think” with determines manifestation.

The bottom line is RESPONSIBILITY and ACTION. There is no one thing that is going to be a cure-all for every person.  We are responsible for trying and adapting new things all the time and evolving along THE PROCESS OF OUR DEVELOPMENT.  This requires commitment.

And cultural perspective is thrown in there, too.  It’s not only what society tells you to want, it’s HOW you choose to want it.  For example, “positive thinking” will only work as far as the whiny-person-who-believes-she-is-entitled-to-everything-without-making-an-effort is willing NOT to whine.  In cultures that expect instant gratification and permanent healing from a pill, the idea that TOOLS such as “positive thinking,” meditation, affirmation (and everything else that is designed to RE-CONDITION your thought processes) actually require continuous exercise immediately makes people insist that the TOOLS do not work.  In reality, people are not “working the tools.”

Such laziness and lack of gratitude for all that IS available to Us to figure out how to work for Our individual needs is why We have a society of fat, lazy, slovenly individuals suing McDonald’s for the fact that they CHOOSE to eat the toxic food rather than do the work to eat healthily.

All of this relates to self-worth; do you believe you are WORTHY of what you desire?

You are not entitled to anything; you have to do the work to DESERVE everything.  You have to Work Your Magick (which IS everything that you choose to design in your life).

The Comfort Zone of “focusing on being the victim” is the perfect way for all these people to get rich writing books, etc., for and against everything that has worked throughout “herstory” to validate people staying in their comfort zones and whining about it.

It’s not that something that has been proven to work for a multitude of others “doesn’t work;” YOU aren’t working it.

Discipline is a good thing and self-discipline is the greatest of your powers.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

MANNERS

Click Here for Easier-to-Read post on PartyDomme.com

March 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

i dread the holidays as Master’s sisters come to dinner and completely disrupt His household.  Master has expressed His desire to address their behavior and has commanded this task to me.  Since i would never dare to tell Master’s family what to do, i humbly ask for any advice You can give! With much gratitude, pf

Dear pf,

Here is a blog post I wrote recently that should be exactly what you’re looking for!  I suggest that you offer this to your Master and that the two of you can figure out a way to “adapt” it to suit your needs.  Best of luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout this season of … cheer, I permitted a few people into My humble home and was appalled by their complete lack of manners.  I NEVER say, “make yourself at home” for a reason: the right to consider My home your home requires bill payments and TREMENDOUS amounts of feats of worthiness.

Since it appears that parents have completely failed to provide any social-grace education to their offspring over the past 40 or so years, here’s a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host.  By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.

1. Sit down and stay seated.  DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A TOUR OF THE HOSTESS’ DOMAIN.  A person’s home is NOT a museum.  If you wish to see the domicile, ASK for a tour and respect the answer given to you.

Also, DO NOT choose to pick up items to inspect them.  This is offensive to the Hostess’ personal space.  If you are too bored with your own company to be left alone for the few moments it takes for the Hostess to go to the bathroom to urinate, bring a magazine when you visit so that you can amuse yourself.

2. Bathroom Hygiene.  The fact that I have cause to write this disgusts Me, but mothers need slaps right across their faces – and not in a happy-fun way – for not training their children in cleanliness from early childhood.  There is NO reason for anyone to leave urine on the toilet seat or the floor!

Step 1: Lift the toiled seat BEFORE using the toilet.

Step 2: Use toilet tissue to wipe the rim and inspect the floor to ensure that it is waste-free.

Step 3: WASH YOUR HANDS when done.

And WASH YOUR HANDS when you come in from the street.  If you do not physically go to the bathroom to do so, carry hand sanitizer in case the Hostess does not offer it to you.  AND if the Hostess offers, use it.

3. CALL before going to a person’s home.  Don’t think it’s OK to drop by.  I recently left someone in the hallway who foolishly thought I would open the door to My apartment because she was in the neighborhood.  I told her that the same way she thinks to call Me to complain about her stupid husband, she should think to call to ask if she can come to My home.  In this era of instant communication, there is no reason not to offer the courtesy of a text or phone call.

4. NO MEANS NO.  When I say that I do not want you to clear the table, wash My dishes, or help Me, I mean it.  A recent offender received 5 stitches for disrespecting My wishes in My home by deciding to help himself to a glass from My kitchen cabinet and broke a glass bowl with is forehead as it fell onto him.  I honestly expressed My anger that he dared to even enter My kitchen, that his head broke My beautiful bowl (and he owes Me a new one), and that he bled on My kitchen floor.  When I say My home is booby-trapped, I mean it.

5. Use a napkin, plate, utensils, chew quietly with your mouth closed, and don’t speak with your mouth full of food.   Seriously, does no one tell these people that their table manners are atrocious?  Really?  Pigs eat at troughs for a reason.  I do not wish to:

• hear you smack your lips or slurp your liquids
• see the food being chewed in your mouth
• have you drop crumbs all over My apartment
• have you wipe your hands on My furnishings or your clothing
• scrape your utensils against your teeth
• sing, hum, dance at the table

It always amazes Me that all these people who want to be in “control” don’t even have basic control of their own awareness and physicality to eat like civilized human beings… Yet, they will be the first to express disdain about someone else’s civility.

The BEST gift one can give is the gift of respect and good manners.  By all means, take a refresher course and pass this info along – especially to the generations coming behind you.  For more resources on manners, visit the Emily Post Institute where you can also find information on the appropriate amounts to tip for services.

What Prompted This Post

I would like to say that I had a marvelous Christmas, but the rudeness of all of the incredibly, self-absorbed people who chose their excitement over common courtesy, intelligence, and respect for anyone else seriously disrupted My Peace on Earth.  I had an incredibly stressful Christmas Eve dealing with yet another relative being rushed to the hospital in serious condition (relatives in hospitals now up to 6) and I did NOT appreciate someone texting Me at 12:01 AM on December 25th because it was now Christmas.  I also really did NOT appreciate the persons who chose to text Me at 8:30am, 9:00am, 9:02am and 9:15am to wish Me a Merry Christmas – and especially on a Saturday morning.  I have STRICT contact times – which are between 12:00 NOON and 9pm ONLY – for very good reasons – one of them being that I am the emergency contact for all these hospitalized relatives, so I cannot turn off My phone.  The fact that it is Christmas – a holiday that I respect but have no affiliation with – does NOT change anything.  Besides what I wrote above, the decision of people to have their fun at My expense is why I chose to give this gift to assist Us all in remembering to mind Our manners.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…  

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.