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Ask Mistress Didi*

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How To Use This Resource

1) I offer My Wisdom from My Experience.  It is YOUR job to apply the knowledge to your reality.

2) Search by category and view the Related Posts at the bottom of each entry for additional information.

3) If you “don’t feel like reading all of that,” you can arrange for a private conversation with Me to address your specifics.

  • Mind your manners when you approach Me.
  • Remember, I have what I want and I am being quite generous with all that I share.

4) Take My Webcam Workshops, which contribute to My Charities & create a Win-Win!  Proceeds from My Webcam Workshops & Events are part of My fundraising efforts.  ©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com


Changes Now
Ask Mistress Didi* is moving in an effort to enjoy My loyal followers and those who appreciate My Gifts and to prevent thieves from further plagiarism…

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips
The Basics of what I teach in My Domina101™ Workshops, which I conduct to raise funds for My Charities

4 I’s (& Flopped Friendships), The
When We exhibit Self-Esteem, Confidence, and Conscience, those who have what I call a“lack of self” (they lack self-love, self-awareness, self-value, etc.) meet you with the “4 I’s” … behaviors demonstrating their Inferiority Complex – masked by Narcissism.

“Attention Game” Fiasco, The
The “attention game” is ALWAYS useless.  It is completely and only about manipulation of everyone and everything who has glanced in your direction… you are addicted to chaos and your end-game is to play the victim…

Beautiful Fetish, Ego & Excellence
The truth is that whenever you are intimidated by people’s accomplishments, you are showing your lack of faith in your own ability and worth…  Beautiful Fetish is about the total, sensory and sensual experience that transcends mere physical awareness.

Being Superior: My “How To” Process
In this post, I focus on exactly (1) how I USE offenders to serve Me better than if I paid someone to do dirty work, and (2) how I keep My cool and attend to My Karma, which is the most important concern.

Boring Need For Attention With Criticism Masked As Polite Conversation
This post is a Domain Maintenance tip on calling people out on their “covert behaviors” that they attempt to mask with pleasantries.

Check In & Center of Attention
How to keep your cool with attention hogs and other offenders.

Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution
I swear by this technique for Myself and it totally works for Me and everyone who chooses to work it. It is a physiological-neurolinguistic technique that you can learn in less than 4 minutes (see video).

Comfy Shoes
The best way I know how to make those gorgeous shoes comfortable to wear

Compassion & Tolerance
It is your responsibility to set boundaries – not only for your own well-being, but for the growth of the person whose behaviors come into conflict with your Peace of Being.

Confusing Dominance For bullying
Being a Dominant first and foremost requires self-control and personal responsibility.  Too many “wanna-doms” think that to treat people with humiliation at any and every opportunity means being “in control.”

Consider The Source
When you consider the quality of the situation that is the source of stress, you can do yourself a great service by releasing all attachment to that aggravation.

Dealing With Disappointing People
I receive numerous correspondence about people who betray Our Trust and Friendship… This entry is advice that helps to put your perspective where it belongs: On Your Greatness.

Difference Between Fetish & Kink, The
Fetish is empowering and takes you to new heights in your experience and existence!  Kink is only something that is used to achieve some state of sexual satisfaction.  Are you just a means to an end?

Domain Maintenance With Self-Love and Personal Integrity

  • Part 1: False Friends & Allies In Lies – Part 1
    The best way for sheeple to avoid personal responsibility is to join in negativity against those who are doing/being/creating what they cannot do themselves.  Quite frankly, these people SERVE YOU by rounding up all of the other “less-thans” who will inevitably be useless to you, too, and keeping them away from annoying you.
  • Part 2: Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?
    In this post, I offer value to the person who encounters slanderous intentions that are designed to manipulate you.
  • Part 3: Being Superior: My “How To” Process
    I this post, I focus on exactly (1) how I USE offenders to serve Me better than if I paid someone to do dirty work, and (2) how I keep My cool and attend to My Karma, which is the most important concern.

Domina101™ Workshop Preparation
The preparation document for My Domina101™ Workshop that I give to participants to obtain the greatest benefits from My Workshop. By answering the questions and perusing the reading, you will gain tremendous insight into what makes you a Fetishist and how you wish to create your Fetish Lifestyle. Beneficial for Dominants and submissives.

Domme for Dollars
There is as much a difference between a tribute and a fee as there is a difference between a true professional and an actor who plays one on TV.

Domme in Business
Every business person needs to know how to discipline Herself to achieve the greatest good, a.k.a., what’s best for business without compromising one’s integrity – which, unfortunately, is a rare practice these days.

Dynamic of Fetish Fulfillment, The
The Dynamic of Fetish Fulfillment is reciprocal.  People need to accept responsibility for their contributions to the state of not only their own Fetish experiences, but the Fetish Scene on the whole – for good and for bad.

Fabulous & Guilty By Association
Just because a person is seen with you does not mean that the person has anything to do with you whatsoever.  Do not base your assumptions about other people based on what you think you know about someone.

I devised the term, “fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers” to refer to “time-wasters” who are part of the confusion of the mainstream’s foray into The Scene. Knowing the signs of “wasters” prevents acts of vampirism on Our precious energies.

False Friends & Allies In Lies
The best way for sheeple to avoid personal responsibility is to join in negativity against those who are doing/being/creating what they cannot do themselves.  Quite frankly, these people SERVE YOU by rounding up all of the other “less-thans” who will inevitably be useless to you, too, and keeping them away from annoying you.

Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude
Instead of focusing on all the ugly in the world and what you don’t have, be grateful for all that you do have.  Perspective determines outcome.

Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top
“Sad ones” try to put others down in a vain attempt to pretend that they are somehow raising themselves up by trying to “top” in disrespectful ways.

Forgiveness first begins with yourself because you have to undo all of that “conditioning” that is designed to make you wrong…  It is not so much the situation as it is what We do with the situation that allows Us to grow towards Joy – if We choose to.

“Gruesomes” are people who do not love or value themselves.  Instead of seeking to improve the conditions of their lives, they seek to belittle everyone and everything in order to feel comfortable in their gruesomeness.

How Fetish Saved My Life
The short answer is that when I accepted My True Nature as a Fetishist, I became well, whole, and happy to BE ME. Whenever I say that, people ask Me how I achieved this state of Grace. I will attempt to answer that question here.

How To Deal With “Piggy” Dommes
You know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme?  Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

How To Deal With Relationship Gossip
Handle nosy people trying to pry into your business.

How To Handle Disruptors
Since no matter what You do, one way or another You’re going to be a bitch to some whiney trash, My advice is to OWN it, promote it, and make the offenders accountable and useful.

How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks
Lizard-brain thinking exists in a perpetual state of fear: primarily a fear of inadequacy, and seeks to play the “make-wrong game” because that’s how it is able to conjure a sense of value in its stagnant limitations…

How To Move Forward & Strengthen From Crappy Relationships
Special Valentine’s Day Consciousness Preparation
I am a “Love Adventurer!  I NEVER give up on Love and I thank every being in My Life who has been of value by showing Me how I was not loving Myself by being in a relationship with them.  I’m always saying, “make them useful.”  Here’s how.

How To STOP A Stalker –  (see also: Warning: This year’s stalker…)
Safety resources against STALKING

How-To’s Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Keeping Cool With Karma
What goes around comes around with a big slap!  It’s not against the Law of Karma to enjoy that…

Last Word, The
How to deal with creeps who try to bait you into altercations.

Make Rudeness Serve You
A Domina101™ Lesson
~ In the most recent session of The Domina101™ Collective Webcam Workshop, I presented the signs of the “substandard” who fakes being submissive.  Filtering through the “undesireables” is easier and less time consuming when you have the tools to maintain the integrity of Your Domain. The Tool Tips are…

Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?
In this post, I offer value to the person who encounters slanderous intentions that are designed to manipulate you.

Here’s a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host.  By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.

Martyr Syndrome, The
You know the type: their entire conversation is about how generous (insert other glowing adjectives) they are and how everyone else screws them over…  This is a manipulation tool to (1) VAMPIRE your energies by (2) avoiding personal responsibility for the nefarious behaviors they really perpetrate.  Learn how to spot the signs and how to keep them from affecting you.

My Bitchy Times (Why I Gotta Be a BITCH)
I do My best to carefully think before I act to ensure that I have no regrets for what I choose to do.  Self-Control is THE only real control.

Outing or Protecting?
To permit atrocities to go unpunished by remaining silent only contributes to more atrocious behavior in the future.  I maintain that, If you’re not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.

Owner vs. Fiancé
Question the motives and integrity of any “Owner” who would jeopardize the safety and happiness of Her/his property.

Permission or Forgiveness?
Do you prefer to TRUST someone to ask your permission to do something you may say no to, or do you prefer to TRUST that someone will apologize (or make amends) for doing something you didn’t want them to do?  Trust, after all, is the main dynamic in the D/s relationship and in all relationships of all kinds.

Pity The Self-Loathing
Evidence of a Higher Level of Consciousness is compassion.  Pity “haters” and venerate “appreciaters.”

Photography At Fetish Events
The problems with photography at Fetish events in real-life and why I have a staff photographer

Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work?
What one person calls “positive thinking” is called “mindfulness” by another person writing a book to sell.  “Positive thinking” can also be included in chanting, meditation, and so many other modalities designed to gain control over FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.

Whenever you are rejected, remember 3 things: 1)  Trust that there is something (or someone) that is right for you; 2)  Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience.  Ask yourself these valuable questions… and 3) Let it go…

Rules For Clear Communication
Guidelines to set up clear communication procedures for cooperative relationships.

Safety Tips For Dommes
A public service to Dommes and Women everywhere and I encourage Us all to share these precautions with the younger generations.

Secrets of Happy Fetish, The
There is no right way to “do BDSM” and there is no one way to describe “Lifestyle.”  To attempt to do so would be like trying to answer: What is the meaning of Life?  I can offer The Secrets To Happy Fetish…

Spiritual Crap In Fetish?
A response to a complaint that Spirituality does not belong on MY Blog or in Fetish…

Surprised I’m A Giving Goddess
I’m always astounded by the ridiculous misconception that to be a Dominant Sadist means to be ill-mannered, ill-tempered, selfish, greedy, and everything that the hoochies-with-whips” abominate The Scene by being.

Tips To Remember Your Value
These dialogs all seem to resolve to the same place: the lack of recognition of one’s own worth because value is placed on someone else.   Reality Check: 1) no one can love you if you do not love yourself …

Toe-In-The-Water Retreat
This is a time-wasting trait that Dommes can curb by recognizing it and curbing future behaviors by addressing the situation when it is presented to You.

Transcending Malicious Liars
This is a complimentary Domina101™ Lesson “Proof In Action”.  Whenever I have to deal with lizard-brain, troglodyte energy (link to revolting website omitted), I use it as an opportunity to consider My spiritual growth.

True Discipline, The
Everything begins and ends with your Self.

Warning: This year’s stalker…
Handling the types of people who were that ugly kid on the playground that no one liked because their agenda was to force what they wanted on everyone else and didn’t ever want to learn how to “play nice.” So, when they were rejected for being creepy, liars, cheats, manipulators, etc., they maintained (and still do as adults) that everyone else is wrong to OFFEND them with ostracization.

Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want
When your intention is to use a situation to accommodate who you think you are without respect for the situation, you deny the opportunity for growth of any kind and you will always end up being deficient from the same pattern of behavior .

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If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom